Shrimp and Grits

From (where else), the BBC:

Parrot’s oratory stuns scientists

The bird, a captive African grey called N’kisi, has a vocabulary of 950 words, and shows signs of a sense of humour.

He invents his own words and phrases if he is confronted with novel ideas with which his existing repertoire cannot cope - just as a human child would do.

I bet, though, that his plumage is nowhere near as beautiful as a Norwegian Blue’s …

Here’s an update from the front lines of the War on Christmas. Rock Hill (SC) mother has 12-year-old son arrested for opening Christmas present early

The boy’s great-grandmother had told him not to open his Nintendo Game Boy Advance, which she had wrapped and placed beneath the Christmas tree, according to a police report.

Don’t open your present early, or Santa will throw your sorry behind in jail!

The boy was arrested on petty larceny charges, taken to the Rock Hill police station in handcuffs and held until his mother picked him up after church.

… because the reason for the season is using the cops as a babysitter while you go to church? Silly me. I thought it was something about giving.

Reading the article, I see that there’s a lot wrong with the situation: an uneducated single mother who’s 27 years old with two children ages 12 and 7, one of the kids being diagnosed with ADHD and facing expulsion from school, etc. But that’s no justification for trying to get your 12-year-old a police record to “scare” him - for trying to mess with his Christmas present early. That is a family issue, not a police issue.

(Hint: If it’s that important to keep the presents away from your kids, don’t put them under the tree until Christmas Eve.)

His mother said neither arrest seemed to scare him as she had hoped. She is distressed because her son is relishing the attention brought by his latest arrest.

Color me unsurprised.

Oh, and thie story seems to have hit CNN, too. I hate it when this is how South Carolina gets into the national press…

The flood of pictures of Catherine is threatening to overcome my laptop’s hard drive. As a result, I’ve been organizing and archiving the digital pictures from the last few years so that I don’t lose anything. While doing so, I found … the way to redemption.

The way to redemption begins, as you can see, in a blazing pit of fire. Where is this blazing pit of fire? In Las Vegas, of course. You can find anything in Vegas. Including … redemption.

College rivarlies are usually good fun, but the Clemson-Carolina rivarly has certainly gotten some bad press the past few years. First, there was the brawl at the 2004 game - an embarassment for both schools.

This year, a fan takes it upon himself to give the Clemson-Carolina game a bad name by shooting his buddy over a $20 bet on the game.

So Quick [Gamecock fan] left the house and retrieved a high-powered rifle from his Chevrolet Corsica.

“He went back in and told Richard, `I want my money or I’m going to shoot you,’ ” said Lexington County Sheriff James Metts, adding that both had been drinking beer.

Metts said Johnson’s wife and several friends told police that Johnson [Tiger fan] then said: “You can’t shoot me, I’m invisible.”

And Quick replied, “No you’re not.”

Johnson, 43, was shot once in the chest, and deputies charged Quick, 42, with murder and possessing a firearm during the commission of a violent crime. He was leaning against his Corsica, with arms crossed, when police arrived, Metts said.

Wow.

Is “not guilty by way of stupidity” a possible plea for this case?

Thanks to the good reverend for providing me with news that warms my Tiger heart. Apparently, some drunken frat boys from the University of South Carolina were featured in the new movie Borat. They are now suing, alleging that their appearance in Borat caused them to suffer

humiliation, mental anguish, and emotional and physical distress, loss of reputation, good will and standing” in their community.

Surely the simple act of being a Gamecock is enough to cause all of the above symptoms - whether or not you’re actually being ridiculed in a movie.

This is a collection of funny student answers from my first few years of teaching introductory chemistry classes at my college. All student answers are presented as the student submitted them to me - spelling and all. Enjoy!

It helps to know what science you’re in

Question: Briefly define chemistry.

Student answer: A systemic substanse study of matter.

Conservation of mass: When you do a chemical reaction, the total amount of mass remains constant.

Question: Briefly state the law of conservation of mass.

Student answers:

• Mass is equal to volume. You mass something when in something. The weight how much holds or is.
• Mass measurements can be precise or accurate. Precise ask how close are measurements to the same measurement and accuracy wants to know is it right, law wants to know can I do it again.
• Mass is how much it takes up on an object.
• Mass is the kilograms.

Fun with Marshmallow Peeps!

Picture a marshmallow peep floating in a beaker of water. This was sitting in front of the students when they answered the following question.

Question: Is the marshmallow peep more or less dense than water?

Student answer: No.

Fun with magnesium!

Magnesium metal burns in air with a brilliant (almost blinding) white flame and leaves a white ash behind.

Question: Describe as thoroughly as you can what happens when a piece of magnesium is burned in air.

Student answers:

• When a piece of magnesium burn in the air it will not show a reaction b/c the air has less density and it will not burn throughly.
• It would explore like firecrackers.
• When a piece of magnesium burns, it gets hard and turns into a metal.

Fun with oxygen!

Students prepare molecular oxygen (O₂) and investigate the effects of a pure oxygen environment on combustion. They observe that things burn more intensely in pure oxygen.

Question: How does the amount of oxygen present affect the rate of combustion?

Student answers:

• In high oxygen things give off better reaction and combustion. Compared to low concentration of oxygen.
• In high concentration of oxygen is faster than air.
• Oxygen burns faster and in air it doesn’t burn.
• The fire is more contense in oxygen. The oxygen speeds it up (fire, the burning).

Sulfur burns a with bright blue flame in a high concentration of oxygen and with a dimmer blue flame in air. The faster sulfur burns, the brighter the flame is.

Question: What evidence from the burning of sulfur confirmed your conclusion about the rate of combustion?

Student answers:

• That the sulfur when heat was added to it. It just started crackling and burning and looked like kinda like a copper color.
• It change from a powder form to a liquid form.
• It turned dark and there was a liquid.
• An environment with pure oxygen can reignite flame from embers, but low concentration can not. High oxygen content created more intense heat.

Fun with hydrogen!

Students prepare, collect, and burn hydrogen. Hydrogen burns rapidly with a loud popping sound.

Students collected hydrogen by bubbling it through a bottle of water. This works because hydrogen does not mix well with water (it’s “insoluble”) and is able to push the water out of the bottle.

Question: What physical property of hydrogen, other than it is less dense than water, allows it to be collected in this manner?

Student answers:

• Oxygen.
• Very reactive.
• Because it’s lighter than air.
• Its ability to mix with other gases “diffusion”
• It’s a molecule found in air.
• It is an element, reactive, and can burn and also a gas at room temperature.

You don’t get a “pop” from hydrogen combustion when you bring a burning splint over a bottle which has sat open for a full minute. The hydrogen is very light and escapes into the room.

Question: How do you account for this?

Student answers:

• Because hydrogen is dense.
• B/C it was left open for 1 minute + the hydrogen left out. Was oxygen.
• Air and hydrogen in the bottle did not make a popping noise.
• The hydrogen was at the top of the bottom.
• Oxygen put out the flame.

Over the Labor Day holiday. we happened to walk by Johnny Rocket’s in Myrtle Beach, where they serve …

… F-IN HAMBURGERS!

Having been in this restaurant before, I can tell you that the hamburgers they serve are f-in expensive, and that they don’t taste all that f-in good.

I have to appreciate the truth in advertising, though!

Bow down before the sugary goodness of the Octuple Stuffed Oreo of DOOM.

Coming, deep fried, to a fairground near you.

Nutrition facts
- Contains 1000% of the recommended daily allowance of sugary cream filling.
- Contains no other nutrients

Here’s the best headline I’ve read all day, from the Greenville News

Allegiant Air lands in Greenville
Airline fills void left by Independence Air

… well, I found it amusing.

My alma mater is in the news!

I’ve run across what promises to be the decade’s preferred way to get out of homework! All you have to do is hold a news conference to declare it immoral.

You heard me right. A news conference was held this Monday by several freshmen students (enabled by a political type who is probably trying to increase his “family values” appeal) to protest their summer reading assignment - Truth & Beauty, by Ann Patchett.

I’ve got to hand it to Clemson’s English department (or whoever suggested the book). If the goal was to stimulate discussion, they have done so in spades. Those of us in benign fields like chemistry can only dream of students getting press coverage to protest having to learn about Arrhenius’ depraved ionic theory of solutions..

I’ve also got to hand it to the students - who may have a bright future in South Carolina politics. Holding a news conference to complain about the immorality of a homework assignment would play well to quite a few voters down here.

I can’t wait until these same students take biology, where evolution will be discussed. Better yet, let’s see what happens if/when they take the psychology department’s human sexual behavior course - where “the film” is shown. I’ll be able to see the fireworks all the way across the state!